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This Week At The Lampoonist's RINO Flog:

The Sanctimonious "Snooty" Marxists Unleash Their Fury and Hate on NASCAR,  Tony Stewart and America & Apple Pie

For the uninitiated, the Lampoonist's "Bullshit Tri fecta" is a statement that is #1 - Contrived [bullshit] #2 - Stupid - [the yammering of a blithering idiot] #3 - Lie - [propaganda].

By David P Baker, Editor in Chief  of The Lampoonist-American

All of a sudden, snooty medial leftists, the social conscience of America that wouldn't be caught dead in the stands with barbecue and a Bud-Lite at a Saturday Night dust-up on the rural dirt tracks of America, have an abiding interest in NASCAR. They can't pass up the opportunity to rush their pansy fannies to a computer and take advantage of a sad turn of events to pile-on, and take cheap shots at one of America's auto racing icons, one Tony Stewart. According to one the few surviving relics from the coterie of Borsht Belt journalists, all of whom spent the last 40 yrs writing sports commentary through the prism of feminism, homosexual rights, racism, African American issues and Muslim theology. In this instance Phil Mushnick, with petty biases on display, stereotyped Stewart as a "macho shoot 'em-up, car racing version of a wild west gunslinger" which he is.  More often than not, the feature race of the evening is often referred to as "The Shoot Out!" Oy Vey, call my therapist!

These smarmy weasels wouldn't give the time of day to a snot-nosed kid, who along many before him, and  certainly not the last, was killed on one of America's hundreds of dirt tracks - in the instance, in upstate NY. In my opinion, the tough as nails, hot-headed kid decided to take Stewart down a notch and went for an ill advised outside-lane maneuver to pass Tony in a tight turn. It appeared to me that Tony Stewart had the line, [position] and the kid's car made contact and slid up and kissed the wall. [That scenario plays out thousands times a season on dirt tracks in America from coast to coast]. It was not a real hard hit, but the hot-headed, bantam-rooster of a kid got out of the car looking to confront the gas-house, tough-guy Stewart, and was hit by Stewart's car and killed. 

Granted you will never find the likes of Stewart navel gazing at sensitivity awareness gatherings, or pursuing post graduate degrees in Liberal Arts and Social Science at Yeshiva University, much less Columbia, NYU, CCNY and the rest of the network of Moscow on the Hudson Marxist bastions of higher learning. However, what does it say about a Tony Stewart whose choice of reading is most likely to be Healthy Pet and loves his cats Wylie and Wyatt - and they travel first class with him everywhere he goes. So, any petty bigot looking to pile-on and accuse Tony Stewart of intentionally harming that kid should muster the audacity to face the accused and make that statement! Tony Stewart and no intention of harming that kid, none! And the image of that kid's face will be front and center every time he turns out the light to go to sleep and when he wakes up in the morning, for the rest of his life

THEY HATE NASCAR [They hate America for that matter.]

Let it not be said that they don't have an interest in NASCAR, they certainly do, however it's tough to get traction in NASCAR exploiting the gamut of politically correct wedge issues to transform the identity, soul and culture of "white boys" and car racing, and better yet, abolishing it. Sound familiar? remember when that cretin in the White House articulated his intention to the transform America? Do you like what you see? So, lets have a brief look at the transformetive issues on their agenda:

#1 - Diversity: NASACR like Hockey and golf is too white. Therefore there must be revenues dedicated to financing affirmative action programs to train, nurture and develop black drivers. That's it -  NASCAR needs show-boating and trash-talking ghetto bullshit to spice things up. Let's face it, the self deprecating cordiality and affable nature of the drivers in after race or pre-race interviews in the pits, is way too vanilla, much too tame [white]. Enough of that Bud-Lite stuff on the cars. NASCAR needs Speed-Ball pimp mobiles and Al Sharpton on the tracks inciting looting and riots because some white red-neck racist ran Datrell into the wall. 

#2 - At the beginning of each season, NASCAR needs headlines heralding the coming out of the closet of several homosexual, oops "gay" drivers. Just imagine the beaming smile on the face of Obama at the sight of a Ru Paul clone jumping onto the hood of the winning car at the Daytona Five Hundred. 

#3 - No need to address the issue of women drivers  When she has a competitive car, Danica Patrick can drive the wheels off of it. She belongs in NASCAR and has earned her stripes and will succeed. The hated Tony Stewart gave her a car and spot on his team. Who doesn't love Danica?


One Friday evening during the '05 Christmas season, while channel surfing, I stumbled upon the Nextel/NASCAR awards ceremony. Yes, I am a gear-head, a NASCARIST! A New York City acolyte of the very same ignorant, rural, red necks that secular fascists despise and are offended by, every time 75,000 of their fans and race teams join the millions of the faithful in front of their TV's with chips and Bud-Lite. Then, they bow their heads in unison for the pre-race, Christian ritual; the invocation and prayer to "the Heavenly Father to see the racers safely through the event, and pray for the safe return of their rampaging brethren in Iraq." "In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ amen."

Then, the final act of barbaric irreverence, they gag as a military band plays the national anthem. It's no mystery why snooty leftists despise and view NASCARISM as the festering underbelly of a shadowy conspiracy, a colossus who's movement is so insidious that with one blast of their collective exhaust pipes, they could melt the fascist movement and it's creeping cynicism like a gnat. An evil so sinister that it worships God, flag, country, grandma and wives who stand by their man and bake cookies. Yes, Kurt Busch had the audacity to mention, grandma!


Imagine, a species of  idiot-savants' whose technology rivals that of NASA, not only in materials and aerodynamics, but physics as well. Consensus among enlightened engineers was that American push rod V8's would not likely exceed 1 horsepower per cubic inch. NASCAR engines, based on the American 358 cu. inch V8 platform and engineered by NASCAR'S aforementioned idiot savants are a marvel and typically exceed 850 ground pounding, horse power at 10,000 rpm. Auto racing's version of Wagner's "The Ride Of The Valkyries."


There was one common theme: NASCAR is family. All of the speakers brought to the proceedings a touch of graciousness, sentimentality and humility.

You could hear a pin drop during Jeff Gordon's, insightful and heart-felt tribute to the humanity in that room. His delivery, humble and subdued stirred the room as did all the speakers who paid homage to each other, their competitors, families and the sport that they love and grew up in.

The worship of their wives and families was a revelation. Mark Martin's eyes glistened as he paid tribute to his wife of some 30+ years and the mist sparkled in the smiling eyes of those ethereal goddesses as each man expressed his gratitude for their loyalty, love and kids. Every time the camera focused on Matt Kenseth sitting at the table with his lady's arm around his shoulder; I said to myself; "I think there is a God."

But all is not well, ominous signs sent a chill down my spine - the seeds of a cancer is growing in the soul of NASCARISM. After their speeches, the participants wished the audience, "happy holidays," not Merry Christmas. The next morning I saw an article in which the effeminate frump, Frank Rich took a cheap shot at Tom Brokaw's replacement, Brian Williams and his affinity for NASCAR.

Tony Stewart:

It is within the realm of possibility that Tony Stewart did not see Kevin on that dimly lit track. Maybe he thought it would be funny to hit the throttle, spin the tires on his car and give Kevin a dirt bath as he went by. It's possible that the kid closed-in too quickly, or both miscalculated and Kevin was hit. First of all, that game is common and was done in fun, not malice. As any compassionate human being, nobody wanted that kid killed, least of all Tony Stewart. I will always be a Tony Stewart fan. I feel bad for him as I do Kevin Ward and his family. It's too late to tell Kevin that he should not have been running between those cars on that dimly lit track. In America one is innocent until proven guilty unless you're a Tony Stewart, or according to that phony Megyn Kelly and her transparently contrived charades of journalistic neutrality regarding the probable guilt of the white cop with a busted-up face in Ferguson. She's becoming as predictably mendacious as Kirsten Powers, Joe Trippi, Juan Williams and the Grand Pubah of baked bull, O'Bloviator.

There will be no end to all this until America is willing to do something about it, I am... Good Day...